I watched as the wind pushed the water against the dock. I couldn't even believe what was laying before me. I felt the way the breeze gently tugged and played with my hair and smelled the sweetness of the sea. The water was different here. It had color and vibrance. It was living and breathing. I felt proud to see how it thrived. I could even taste the difference of the way the salt hung on the air. It was tangy and sharp as it swirled between my teeth and into my smile. I loved how the spray splashed over the wall and onto my hands. They felt like a comforting drizzle, and as they dropped I listened to the sounds around me. I heard the soft thumps of the waves against the rock as well as murmurs and shouts of people. I wanted this scenery to stay ingrained into my memory forever. I had never seen a place where sea and sky were the same color. It was pollution free and full of energy. For that moment, with the wind tugging and the water whispering, it was the epitome of beauty .
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
#3. Details, Details.
I watched as the wind pushed the water against the dock. I couldn't even believe what was laying before me. I felt the way the breeze gently tugged and played with my hair and smelled the sweetness of the sea. The water was different here. It had color and vibrance. It was living and breathing. I felt proud to see how it thrived. I could even taste the difference of the way the salt hung on the air. It was tangy and sharp as it swirled between my teeth and into my smile. I loved how the spray splashed over the wall and onto my hands. They felt like a comforting drizzle, and as they dropped I listened to the sounds around me. I heard the soft thumps of the waves against the rock as well as murmurs and shouts of people. I wanted this scenery to stay ingrained into my memory forever. I had never seen a place where sea and sky were the same color. It was pollution free and full of energy. For that moment, with the wind tugging and the water whispering, it was the epitome of beauty .
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2 comments:
So beautiful. I could feel the water slapping my face and the taste of salt in my mouth as you did this. A memory so powerful and wonderful- really nicely done! Be a little careful of those adjectives, Montag. "Comforting drizzle"- is there another way you can say, for example? I'm not sure. This was grand!
Ok so I really really liked this. I know you werent supposed to write it as a story/narrative but I think it was better written as such so I thought that was great. I think that you could have dropped a few uneccesary adjectives here and there and I think it might have added to have some comparisons as your power words but it was still great because you REALLY utilized your sensory images and the way that you described the various sights, sounds, and tastes was very realistic. The imagry that your writing brough about would have given me the same picture in my head regardless of whether or not I had seen the picture so really great job!
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